Attention getting

As a single mom, sometimes i get down on myself about how i do things. I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of. I don't have anyone being objective or at least offering counter ideas to be my balance.

My daughter is very smart. She has great social skills. Her attention span is a little shorter than i would care for. But i am not sure if it is a problem or just that she isn't quite five yet. It's hard for me to know when --or if-- she is paying attention to me, unless i get right down into her face and look her in the eye. I try toi get her to repeat back to me things, if it is important. But still, I wonder.

I am hoping to get her into Junior Kindergarten in January. I worry she will not be able to keep attention long enough to get her skills up for kindergarten. She has a hard time holding a pencil--I know she knows *how* but, it's that she doesn't *want* to most of the time.

I wonder if other single parents have these kinds of worries? I don't have anyone to talk it over with, so I don't know how to judge if I am overreacting or what.

While doing it alone is hard, I wouldn't change anything. While doing it alone can feel lonely sometimes, I love being with my daughter and getting all her attention. Now if i can just figure out how to get her to hold a pencil for more than about ten seconds!

parenting and self

I watch my child run around the house, just to run. I see her spin, dance and literally bounce off the walls. She has more energy and spirit than I ever had. Or did I once posses this life force too? Her ability to bounce from wild happiness to absolute desperate sadness is frightening, and I pray it isn't some underlying template for her future. 

She should have the brightest, happiest, most carefree (yet stable) life imaginable.  She can pursue and achieve her dreams. I want so much for her, that the idea of figuring out a way of providing her the map to get there is unnerving. I am paralysed by the thought of providing her sustainable and renewable happiness. I worry I won't be able to do it. 

Do all parents feel this way? Did mine? My mom is gone now, but I think that her life was centered on making her children happy, to a fault. Her life suffered from it. Am I selfish for wanting to be happy also? Because I am a parent, am I supposed to give up my own joy? 

My joy has become making my daughter happy. My dream has become for her to  achieve whatever she wants in life. Also, though, I do not want to become my mom. As much as I continue to love her, I do not want to lose a sense of myself. 

How I define myself will inevitably include my daughter, but will not only be about her.